There’s no need to try and force a quiet teen to become the life of the party. Being shy isn't a bad thing. But sometimes shyness can stem from low-confidence and it can interfere with a teen's ability to communicate effectively, join activities, or meet new people.
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Kids between the ages of 6 and 9 can be a lot of fun. But, they can also be a challenge. Their sophisticated skills will require you to possess some more sophisticated strategies to discipline them.
Fortunately, the strategies you use to address behavior problems now can teach your child valuable life lessons. Typical School-Age Kid Behavior No longer a “little kid” and not yet able to keep up with the “big kids,” your school-age child’s behavior is likely to reflect a transitional period of development. By and large, school-age kids are able to demonstrate prolonged concentration and will have greater patience when facing obstacles and setbacks. Their attention spans will be longer as well as their ability to focus on multiple activities. They also have better cognitive and physical skills and are able to perform everyday tasks more readily. This translates to less frustration and better self-control as they learn to juggle school, social life, and home life with greater ease. With that being said, this period of child development is one in which kids tend to test boundaries. Your school-age child is likely to whine and may still exhibit an occasional meltdown although full-fledged temper tantrums will be less common. Behavior problems such as talking back may take on a whole new meaning as children become more articulate and able to express their thoughts. Many school-age kids crave a fair amount of independence. But, you might find that despite knowing the skills you've taught, your child might forget to use them sometimes. Whether he gets swept up in teasing another child or repeatedly forgets to feed the cat, there's a good chance many of their social, emotional, and behavioral skills will need some fine-tuning. Typical Behavior
Along with the wonderful milestones your school-age child will meet, there is also the less-pleasant emergence of common behavior problems for this age group. While child-discipline issues, such as defiance and back talk, may have cropped up at earlier ages in a child, these behaviors take on an entirely more challenging aspect as children become older, more verbal, and more independent. Defiant behavior is common among school-age children. So don’t be surprised if your child tests your responses by refusing to do almost everything you ask. Usually, defiance is a phase that comes and goes for a bit throughout childhood. School-age children are likely to lie sometimes too. Whether they’re trying to present themselves in a favorable light by bragging about something that didn’t really happen, or they’re lying in an attempt to avoid getting in trouble, lying can become a bad habit if it’s left unaddressed. As much as your children may love one another, sibling rivalry and fighting is a very common part of many sibling relationships. Whether your child still gets aggressive with his siblings or he’s constantly tattling on them, sibling rivalry is bound to occur. Dawdling can be another frustrating behavior. Whether your child takes 10 minutes to put on his shoes or he’s the world’s slowest eater, dawdling can be frustrating. Whining can also be frustrating. It’s one of the most unpleasant sounds known to man. And many school-age kids have perfected the art. Discipline Strategies That Work A good discipline plan should include positive reinforcement as well as negative consequences. Reinforce the good behavior with praise and privileges and provide negative consequences when your child breaks the rules. Below are the most effective discipline strategies for school-age kids. Praise Good Behavior Provide genuine praise for your child’s efforts and you'll boost her confidence. Use praise to encourage her to keep trying, study hard, and do her best. Rather than saying, “Great job getting a 100 on your test,” say, “Good job studying so hard.” Place Your Child in Time-Out School-age kids aren’t too old for time-out. It can be a good consequence when your child needs to cool off or when she’s refusing to follow instructions. Use ‘Grandma’s Rule of Discipline’ A subtle change in the way you word your phrases turn a consequence into a reward. Rather than saying, "You can't ride your bike because your room is a mess," say, "You can ride your bike as soon as your room is clean.” Then, your child will learn he can earn privileges by making good choices. Provide Logical Consequences Use consequences that are directly related to your child’s offense. If your child refuses to get off the computer when you tell her to do so, take away her computer privileges for 24 hours. Allow for Natural Consequences Let your child face the consequences of her choices when it’s safe to do so. If your 9-year-old doesn’t pack her snack for the park when you tell her to do so, the consequence is she won’t have a snack to eat. She might remember to do so next time if she experiences the natural consequence. Create a Token Economy System Establish a simple token economy system that allows your child to earn chips or tokens for good behavior. Then, allow her to exchange those tokens for privileges, like time on her electronics or an opportunity to go on a special outing. In this way your child will learn about the money management strategy. Teaching Teens About Money is an amazing initiative to make them independent in future. Preventing Future Problems School work becomes more demanding as your child gets older. Some behavior problems may stem from a child's frustration over not understanding the work. Many kids would rather have their peers view them as the "class clown" rather than the kid who can't do the math. While behavior problems that stem from learning issues should still be addressed with consequences, you also need to address the underlying problem. Help your child establish good habits that will help them be successful at school. Create a homework area, designate a homework time, and stay on top of your child's progress. Minor concerns can be addressed through after-school time with a teacher or tutor. More significant concerns may lead to a diagnosis of a mental health issue such as ADHD or learning disability such as dyslexia. Seven-year-olds, eight-year-olds, and nine-year-olds may veer between bouts of brassy over-confidence and uncertainty and doubt about their own skills. They may compare themselves to their peers by saying, “He is better at drawing than I am” or “She is a better soccer player," so it's important to teach your child that with practice and effort, she can improve her skills. Research shows an authoritative approach to parenting leads to the most successful outcomes in children. Establish high expectations for your child but give plenty of support and warmth. Validate feelings and show empathy, but establish clear rules and give consequences when those rules are broken. Those efforts can help you become a more authoritative parent, which is key to helping your child become a healthy, responsible adult. Children depend on adults for reassurance and security. One of the best ways to give your child a sense of security is by providing plenty of positive attention. Set aside a few minutes each day to give your child your undivided attention. No matter how much they misbehaved, play a game, talk about your day, or play catch. By giving your child plenty of positive attention, you'll reduce attention seeking behaviors and your child will be more inclined to want to follow your rules when you maintain a healthy relationship. Communication Tips While you don’t want to have long drawn-out conversations that shame your child for misbehaving, brief chats about how to make better choices can be instrumental in helping your child learn. Your child will be looking to you to learn how to deal with his emotions and difficult social situations so it’s important to stay calm when you’re communicating. Here are some strategies that communication tips that can help with your discipline plan:
Giving your kids happy, healthy childhoods could set them up for success in life. But many parents wonder, how exactly do you raise happy kids in today’s world? Raising happy kids isn’t about giving them momentary pleasure or immediate gratification. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.
Happy kids have a skill set that allows them to enjoy long-term happiness in life. They’re able to pass up instant gratification in an effort to reach their goals. You can help your kids develop those skills by adopting healthy, lifelong habits. Here are 10 ways to raise happy kids. Encourage Outdoor Play Don’t underestimate the power of outdoor play. Running on the grass, climbing trees, sitting on a swing, and digging in the dirt is good for kids. Studies show scents associated with nature, like pine trees, cut grass, and lavender can boost your child’s mood. So you might encourage your child to read a book outside or do his homework on the porch just to give him an instant boost in happiness. Outdoor play can also improve social skills in children. A 2017 study published in the Journal of Science and Medicine in Sport found that children who increased their time playing outside increased their empathy, engagement, and self-control—which are critical social skills. Kids with better social skills are likely to enjoy healthier relationships. One study found kids with better social skills are also twice as likely to go to college and less likely to experience substance abuse, obesity, and violence. So make outdoor play a daily habit. Even when the weather isn’t perfect, encourage your kids to ride their bikes, play with neighborhood kids, and run around in the great outdoors. Limit Screen Time Your child might insist that playing endless hours of video games makes him happy. But too much screen time is bad for your child’s psychological well-being. A 2018 study published in the journal Emotion found that adolescents who spent less time on their digital devices and more time on non-screen activities, like sports, homework, religious services, and other in-person activities were happier. Establish clear limits on your child’s screen time. If he has a smartphone, limit his access when you’re doing family activities, riding in the car, or when he’s playing outside. And set clear guidelines about how much time he can spend watching TV and using the computer. Practice Gratitude Incorporating gratitude into your everyday lives could help kids become happier, healthier people. But, keep in mind that there’s a big difference between forcing a “thank you” and genuinely meaning it. A 2012 study on gratitude found that grateful people enjoy better relationships—and that can be key to living a happier life. One of the best ways to help kids become genuinely grateful is by modeling gratitude. Express sincere thanks when you are grateful for someone else. Expressing gratitude for the things your children do will teach them to do the same. Make it a family habit to talk about the things you feel grateful for. Identify three things you’re grateful for at the dinner table or talk about what you’re grateful for at bedtime. This will help your children learn to look for things they can be grateful for in their daily lives. Make it a habit to send thank you notes too. Instead of just signing his name, encourage your child to identify something specific he wants to thank someone for.You don’t have to save thank you notes for gifts either. You might encourage your child to write a thank you note to his teacher for helping him during the school year or you might write a note to a coach who was especially kind. Have High Expectations—But Not Too High While it’s not fun to spend hours studying for a test or practicing a musical instrument, kids who strive to do hard things are more likely to live happier lives.Your expectations have a big impact on your child’s willingness to challenge himself. Your kids will work hard to meet your expectations as long as your expectations are reasonable. Studies show when parents have high academic expectations of their children, children do better in school and they persist longer at hard tasks. High expectations are also linked to scholastic and social resilience. But it’s important to note that you shouldn’t expect perfection. Setting the bar too high for your child is likely to backfire. Expecting your child to be perfect could increase your child’s risk of mental health issues. Your child may also give up on her goals set for her if she feels like you set the bar impossibly high. Teach Self-Control and money management Eating an extra cookie, ditching homework for fun with friends, and binge-watching TV instead of doing chores might give kids momentary pleasure. But, in the long run, a lack of self-control hurts more than it helps. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Personality found that people with better self-control report more good moods. Interestingly, however, researchers noted that people with better self-control also didn’t put themselves in tempting situations as often as other people. They essentially set themselves up to be happy. Start teaching your child self-discipline at an early age. At the same time, teach them the importance of money management, financial education for kids is becoming important in this growing world and increasing demands. Kids should know that how to financially support themselves when no one around to endorse them. Assign Chores Your children won’t love clearing the table or dusting the living room now. But, assigning chores could be a key factor in helping them achieve long-term happiness. One study found that giving kids chores at age 3 and 4 was the biggest predictor of long-term success. It may be that children who do chores feel like they’re pitching in and that helps them feel more connected to their families. And that sense of connection may help them stay mentally strong when they encounter hard times. Chores can also teach kids a variety of life lessons—such as responsibility and community service. They may also learn they can cope with boring tasks or that they’re capable of persisting even when they feel frustrated. Making their beds and cleaning the kitchen can also give them a sense of accomplishment and show them that even though they’re young, they’re capable of making a difference. Assign regular chores and expect your children to get them done. And you’ll help them learn life skills that will help them live happier lives as adults. Eat Dinner Together When kids have sports practices, games, and other extracurricular activities, it can be tempting to grab something on-the-go and eat at different times. But eating as a family might be one of the best things you could if you want to raise happy kids. One study found that a higher frequency of family meals was strongly associated with positive moods in adolescents. Another study found that teens who eat meals with their families have more positive views of the future. Family meals may also promote good health. Kids who eat with their parents are less likely to be overweight or having eating disorders. Teens who eat dinner with their parents are also less likely to experience substance abuse issues or to exhibit behavior problems. If you can’t get together for a family meal every night, don’t worry. Most studies have found kids benefit from eating with their parents a few nights each week. Avoid Overindulging Your Children Buying your child lots of gifts on holidays or giving him everything he wants won’t actually make him happy. In fact, overindulging kids may actually take a toll on their psychological well-being. Some research indicates that kids who are overindulged are likely to experience feelings of chronic discontent. They may struggle to identify the difference between wants and needs and consequently, they may think happiness stems from material goods. So resist the urge to get your kids everything they want. Even though they might insist that having the newest smartphone, more brand name clothing, and a better bicycle will make them happy, the research indicates otherwise. Give them an opportunity to earn privileges. They’ll appreciate things much more when they’ve had to work hard to get something, rather than having everything handed to them. And focus more on experiences rather than things. Studies show people who feel the happiest spend their time and money creating memories, not collecting more items. Exercise as a Family Whether you decide to go for a nightly walk together as a family or you do workout videos from the comfort of your living room, exercise can make everyone in the family happier. A 2018 study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that the type of exercise didn’t matter. Aerobics, stretching and balance exercises, and weight lifting all provide a boost in happiness. But you might think there’s no need to exercise together—after all, your child likely gets exercise at recess or through sports activities. But, exercise is likely to make you happier and happier parents tend to have happier kids. Additionally, getting physically active together can help you bond and create positive memories together—which are even more ingredients for happiness. Help Other People A multitude of studies have linked altruism to happiness. In fact, being kind to others can make your kids happier and happiness will make them kind. It’s a positive cycle that sets them up for a happier, healthier life. A 2010 study published in The Journal of Social Psychology divided participants into three groups. One group was asked to perform a daily act of kindness, another group was told to do something new, and the third group received no instructions. Researchers found that after just 10 days, the groups who performed acts of kindness and those who did new things experienced a big boost in happiness. There are many ways you can get your kids involved in altruistic behavior. Here are just a few ideas:
Spending time together is one of the greatest gifts families can give to one another. Not only does quality time strengthen and build family bonds, but it also provides a sense of belonging and security for everyone in the family. In fact, research has shown that when families enjoy activities together, children not only learn important social skills but also have higher self-esteem. Strong family bonds also encourage better behavior in children, improve academic performance, strengthen parent-child communication, and teach your child how to be a good friend. As a parent, you play a key role in cultivating and protecting these family bonds. But, building strong family connections doesn't always happen naturally. In our hectic day-to-day lives, it can take a concerted effort to carve out time for your family. If you want to make this firm foundation a reality in your family, commit to these 10 essential practices. Schedule Family Time Whether you have school-age children or teens, it takes planning to set aside family time. Some ways that you can do this: Set aside time for family. Look at everyone’s schedule to see if there are any blocks of time that can be designated family time. Try to select a regular night, maybe once a week, when the entire family gets together for a fun activity. By keeping this night on a regular schedule, everyone will know that they need to keep that night clear for family time. Plan small vacations together. Another way to incorporate family time into your schedule is to plan regular day trips. If this is something that sounds fun for your family, try to plan the trip at least one month in advance. Post it on the family calendar and make sure that everyone is aware of the plan. Make and maintain some new traditions. You also can use this time to create family traditions like carving pumpkins every Halloween or picking the first strawberries of the summer season together. Some families enjoy attending the same local festival every year or entering a 5K walk or run together. The options for creating family traditions are endless. Look for things that your entire family would enjoy. Eat Meals Together Choose a few nights during the week when you expect everyone to gather around the dinner table. Don't allow phones or other electronics. Just eat a meal and have a conversation together. Studies have shown that eating meals together has positive effects on children's physical and mental well-being. It can also reinforce communication and strengthen family bonds. If you're unable to get together for dinner as a family because of busy schedules, try breakfast. The key is that you come together and enjoy a meal free of distractions. Do Chores as a Family Make cleaning your home or caring for the yard a responsibility for the whole family. Create a list of chores and have everyone sign up. Then set up a time during the week or on the weekend when everyone can tackle their chores at the same time. If your teens have a demanding schedule and need a little more flexibility, give them a deadline to have their chores completed. But, remind them that doing chores together makes the job go much faster than doing them alone. What's more, doing chores together also can foster a sense of teamwork, especially if someone gets done early and is willing to help another family member complete their tasks. To make doing chores more rewarding, plan a small reward for when the work is done like getting ice cream together, watching a movie, or playing a board game. Create a Mission Statement When most parents think about mission statements, they think of non-profit organizations and businesses. But these documents work well for families, too. Though it may seem a little corny or too business-like, putting together a family mission statement can establish your families' priorities. A family mission statement also can remind everyone about your family's core values or what you love most about each other. It is simple and fun to develop as a family. In fact, it is a great project for family night. Once completed, display your mission statement in a predominant place in your home. Read it, refer to it, and talk about it often. It helps solidify what is important to your family. Have Family Meetings Family meetings are a good time for everyone to check in with each other, air grievances, or discuss future plans. For instance, a family meeting is a good time to talk about an upcoming day trip, family vacation, or how you to plan to complete the chores next weekend. These meetings can be scheduled events on your family calendar like you can focus on Teaching Teens About Money as it is one of the most important teaching you can give to your kid to make him or her self dependent before stepping out of the door and tackle the world; or you can make them impromptu and allow any member of the family to call a meeting if they feel the need. Family meetings also can be used to set family goals. Start each of these meetings by reading your family mission statement. If you have a large family, begin by asking if anyone has an issue or an item for the agenda. Write down what everyone wants to talk about and go through them one-by-one. You may need to establish some guidelines for the meeting, like setting a time limit for each agenda item and implementing a "no talking rule" when someone else has the floor. Emphasize, too, the need to be kind, considerate, and respectful. The goal is that these meetings allow you to solve family issues in a productive way. Encourage Support Feeling supported by your family is one of the most important elements of building strong family bonds. Bonds like these will last your kids a lifetime. They will enjoy these strong bonds when they are your age and even after you are gone. To create a sense of support, encourage everyone to learn what things are important to their family members and to do their best to support each other through the good and the bad times. Everyone in the family should feel empowered to share their good news as well as share their bad news. The goal is that everyone in the family will rejoice together when things go well. And that they commiserate together when things do not go as planned like a poor grade, getting cut from the team, or losing the science fair competition. When families feel supported, getting through hard times becomes much easier. Schedule Some Downtime While family time is an important part of everyday life, there also is a need for some downtime, too. Not only should you encourage your kids to spend some quiet time alone to recharge, but you also need to carve out time for yourself. Parenting is a huge responsibility that can take a toll on you. As a result, never feel bad about taking a break. Even the U.S. Department of Labor requires companies to give employees breaks throughout the workday. So, be sure you are taking a little time to yourself. The reality is that you will be a better parent when you take care of yourself. Take a break and read a chapter in a book, go to the salon, ride your bike, spend time with friends, or play a round of golf. The key is that you do something you enjoy, even if only for a few minutes. Volunteer Together Research has shown that the more we give, the happier and more grateful we feel in our own lives. What's more, giving your time and energy to make someone else’s life better is always a powerful learning experience. When your family shares in these learning experiences together, it will strengthen your relationships. For instance, spending a day at the local food bank or taking a weekend to build a home for charity are valuable experiences you can share throughout your life. What's more, volunteering can expose kids to lots of different people and increase their appreciation for those who are different from them. It also teaches children to be more empathetic and less self-centered. Volunteering has also been linked to a number of other improved health outcomes including better physical and mental health, increased life satisfaction, higher self-esteem and decreased depressive symptoms. Overall, volunteering as a family is almost always is a positive experience for the entire family. Get Involved in Your Child's Interests Strong families support their family members' passions. Whether it involves attending their soccer games, reading a book series they love, or helping them collect Marvel figurines, it is important that you support your child's interests. If your child is passionate about NBA basketball, watch a game together. Or, if your child loves reading Harry Potter, read the series and then talk about it. If your child is in sports, band, Scouts, or another school activity, provide support in some way. You don't have to take on a huge leadership role. Find a way to show your kids that you support what they are doing and want to assist them with their pursuits, whatever those may be. If you are unsure of where you can help, ask your kids for their thoughts. Asking demonstrates that you care about the things they are interested in. Join Other Families No one lives in a bubble. We are all part of a community, so be sure your family is building relationships with other families. Whether this is within your neighborhood, your school system, your church, or some other avenue, it is important that you spend time with other families as well. Whether you are the parent of a baby or a teenager, we can all agree that parenting is a challenge! It can be wonderful one day and then exhausting, stressful and overwhelming the next.
We can adjust our thoughts and feelings about the struggles of parenting and become calmer and more positive parents. In making a few small changes, we'll actually enjoy our children more, and better yet — our child(ren)'s behaviors will follow our lead. Here are a few small changes that will produce a stronger and more positive relationship between you and your child(ren). Re-think Your Perception of the Problem Think of something your child does that drives you crazy or upsets you. Does your toddler's high pitch shriek get under your skin? Does your baby throwing food make you want to yell? First, think about what your child is getting out of this behavior you consider "bad." Is it your attention? Or is it a reaction? A negative reaction from a parent is good enough for a kid who is trying to get any attention. Your angry reaction is only keeping the behavior going. Secondly, think about why the behavior is bothering you so much. Are you embarrassed in front of others? Have you decided it is a "bad" behavior because it is something adults do not deem acceptable? Most of these behaviors may be annoying, but they are developmentally appropriate and not hurting your child or anyone else. The less you stress about them, the sooner they will come to an end. Lower Your Expectations Sometimes we forget that our kids are just kids! Having expectations that are not age-appropriate for your children will only set them up for failure and give them reasons to disappoint you. Do you expect your child to have proper table manners, to sit for long meals or greet all your friends and relatives? Teaching your children these "adult" behaviors and modeling them will encourage your children to do them, but keep your expectations in check, especially if your child has not napped or is hungry. The holiday season is a time when these unwanted behaviors come out because kids get overwhelmed by big gatherings or eating and sleeping at different times. Some kids are more introverted or shy and feel uncomfortable talking to adults. If you lower your expectations, there is less room for frustration. Remind Yourself the Phase Will Pass Can you remember the horrendous first weeks home with a newborn? You were not sleeping, feeding a tiny being every 2 hours. For most parents, that stage felt like it would never end, but it did, and so will each phase. If your 12 hours a night solid sleeper just started waking up at 3 am or your veggie-loving kid will only eat macaroni and cheese, remind yourself that most undesirable behaviors are phases — with endings. If your child's concerning behaviors continue for a while, talk to your pediatrician. Share the Emotional Responsibility Do you ask your partner to change the baby's diaper, drop off your son at soccer or help your daughter get on her shoes? Of course! But do you share your emotional responsibilities as a parent? Asking for tangible or physical help is easier for parents. If you are feeling worried about how your kid is in School or simply feeling overwhelmed by all the feelings that come with being a parent, share those with your partner. You don't need to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Connect Instead of Correct Connecting with your child will make your job as a parent easier because children who feel connected listen better, feel less frustrated and choose positive behaviors. If your child exhibiting bad behavior, first try and connect with your child before addressing the bad behavior. The behavior may be a manifesting of a need for attention, feelings of abandonment or isolation or other yucky feelings. It is also important to connect with your child on a daily basis, outside of the discipline. Children who feel connected to their parents have higher self-esteem, are more confident and make better decisions. Spend at least 15-30 minutes a day engaging with your child, with no other distractions. Let your child choose a game or activity or do a creative project together. Engaging in meaningful activities with your child(red) is a wonderful way to get to know them better, build their self-esteem and character, share values, strengthen emotional intelligence and create special memories. Coaching Instead of Controlling The next part of connecting to change bad behavior involves coaching your child and not controlling your child through helicopter or authoritative parenting. Think of yourself as your child's life coach — someone who will encourage them to make good decisions and modeling appropriate behaviors. If you control your child, how will they ever learn to make decisions for themselves? So to make them able to take their decision it is important to start early financial education for kids has become a major part of upbringing these days as it makes the child independent and self-aware. See Through Your Child's Eyes Many times parents dismiss kids' feelings because they view them as immature or overdramatic. When your child is upset, take a step back, don't judge and view the situation through your child's eyes. Doing so will make it easier to be empathetic and validate your child's feelings. This will bring you closer and will let your child know it is safe to tell you his or her sad feelings. Parent the Child You Have, Not the Child You Want Did you want an athlete and you got a brain? Throw away all your ideas of what your child would be like before they were born and really take a good look at the child you have in the present moment. This is especially important for parents of multiple children. Each child is different, with different qualities, flaws, and personalities and should be parented in a way that suits their needs. There is no one size fits all in parenting and once you parent the child you have, your job as a parent will feel much easier. |
AuthorHi! I am Tim Connolly and I am providing help to parents to bring up their children in a healthy environment. I am working in this profession from last 5 years, if you have any query regarding this please contact me. Archives
June 2021
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